


Needs more Penises and Ndrangles

by AndeliaMaddock



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blackrom, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Gen, Multi, Other, implied threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 04:17:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndeliaMaddock/pseuds/AndeliaMaddock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave bites of a bit more than he can chew while 'discussing' shipping, ndrangles, and ghost penises that ghosts are drawing over Rose's tome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Needs more Penises and Ndrangles

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catsnore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsnore/gifts), [StriderStruck](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StriderStruck/gifts).



“Rose, the page. It is definitely a very not turned page. Make with the turning.”

“She's not even in the room, fuckass! You're making an idiot out of yourself and lucky you, I'm the only one to witness your fuckery that is on such a grand scale that if anyone else saw it you would surely die of embarrassment!”

“What the fuck are you even talking about dude? You're the one who was drawing penises. Or the ghost is. But I'm pretty sure it was you! You want my penis don't you?”

“Even if I did it would be none of your business, especially because I hate you!”

“Mmmhm you totally do. And you hate me huh? You're sure touching me a lot for someone who hates me.” Dave dug his fingers tighter into Karkat's. “Maybe it's one of those freaky fucking quadrants? You hate me enough to put me in a ndrangling quadrant?”

“That does not even make any sense! That isn't how ndrangles work! You're so fucking ignorant I could choke on my rage! Aaaaaaaaah!”

More penises, rectangles, and indistinct shapes formed on the page, mocking both of them with the others temporary strength to overcome and draw that should not have been.

Karkat screamed in rage as a final penis took form. He tore the pen from Dave's hands, tossed it across the room, and slammed his body against Dave, bringing them both down hard onto the unforgiving metal floor. Claws dug into Dave's shoulders and he huffed, yellow eyes glaring down at Dave's black shades. “Is this what you wanted, Fuckass? You wanted a fight? We can make this black if you want. We can do that!”

“Dude, what are you even talking about? Get off of me!” Dave grunted and shifted his hips in an attempt to force Karkat off. “Get your disgusting troll body off of me!”

Karkat leaned in, his nose bumping against Dave's, “Make! Me!”

Dave growled and pulled his arm to the side, angled it (not quite 90 degrees so he didn't mind so much) and punched Karkat hard in the sides.

Karkat growled, leaned in, and bit Dave's neck.

“Jesus fucking Christ you can't bite someone in a fight! Get off of me! Fuck let go!”

Karkat just bit harder, tasting the similarly colored blood and not really caring. He wasn't a rainbow drinker, but that wasn't the point here. It was about dominance. Dave wanted a blackrom with him? He'd prove he was the--

Dave shoved Karkat off, then straddled Karkat's neck, reached down, and caught both of the troll's claws in a tight grip above Karkat's head. “You don't fucking bite! If I scar because of this I'll make sure you get at least two scars from me. I will come down on you so hard you will wonder if that was my purpose in life. To come down on you and make you hella uncomfortable. I'll be so good at it.”

This was definitely a black flirtation. Karkat growled, baring his teeth. Dave wanted dominance too then? He wouldn't expect any less from someone so headstrong and intense. “Like fuck you will! You can't do anything but talk. And even that you muddle with how fucking stupid you sound all of the time! My lusus talked better than you and all he did was,” Karkat clicked, growled, and hissed. “That's how stupid you sound!”

“Oh wow, I sure am offended. Look at me, crying tears all down my face. Whatever will I do, not that the most pathetic loser in this entire place called me stupid. I think I'll go put on a dress and be a little girl now. But I'll still be better than you.”

The image of Dave in a dress was not an unappealing one. That he would likely still be just as commanding? That was a pleasing thought as well. “There were wrigglers in the caves that were better at comebacks than you, Dave! Even the ones that didn't make it were better than you and your pathetic existence. Tavros passed the challenges and some wrigglers didn't! You're more pathetic than Tavros is, and more pathetic than them!”

Karkat grunted, then snapped his hips up and rolled to the side, knocking Dave off and moving back to take his position on top.

When Dave opened his mouth--to make another witty comeback, or perhaps curse Karkat again-- Karkat leaned in and forced a kiss to those pale lips.

The shock was palpable and delicious. Dave didn't taste half as bad as Karkat had imagined he would. Was that mint? It tasted like mint. Karkat groaned and ground his ever-growing bonebulge against Dave's groin. Was that a human penis he could feel twitching?

It definitely felt like it. The thing was small though. Perhaps it would grow. Hopefully it would grow. Karkat didn't want his first blackrom encounter of any real note to be disappointing when it got to pailing, because it certainly wasn't disappointing before the pailing. Dave had fire. Dave had comebacks. Dave knew how to burn hot and make someone burn for him.

Despite his strange pale body and complete disregard of troll customs, Dave was a pleasing kismesis.

He even fought hard during the kiss, hands clawing and body writhing and twisting, like he wanted to get away.

Nothing was more of a turn on than when they fought the entire time. That was his favorite part of the troll romance novels. The fight. The fire that burned in the hottest pairs, forcing them to resist at every turn, but ultimately making them give into the feelings and take all they could from the other.

Finally he needed to breath and he tore away from Dave's lips. Those pale lips were pleasantly bruised and Karkat smirked. His own probably were too, but the wonders of black lips meant that bruises didn't show much. It would look for all the world like someone had marked Dave, but no one would be able to tell easily if Dave marked him.

Perfect.

Karkat smirked down at a Dave who, for all the fucking world, looked speechless and confused. His brows were drawn up over his shades and his lips parted in a soft 'o' of surprise.

In an instant, Karkat was on his back and growling in pain. Teeth dug into his neck and one hand scraped through his hair and gripped a tiny horn, while the other hand caught at Karkat's left hand and forced it into the metal and tucked it behind Karkat's own back.

Maybe he hadn't won the first part! Dave was fighting back and going against customs. Or maybe Dave just didn't get that once you've been pinned longer than a minute you're in the hands of the other troll and you're required to do as they command, within reason.

Dave probably did know it, somehow, and he was just being a chump fuckass who thought he didn't have to play by the established rules. He was going rogue on the rules and attempting to woo Karkat that way.

Well two could play that game and shuck all established rules in a whirlwind of lust and violence that only a blackrom could accomplish! Karkat groaned and ground up against Dave, and his right hand reached for Dave's cape and yanked, hard.

The fabric was surprisingly easy to tear.

It hurt worse than he figured it would when Dave bit harder in retaliation.

Karkat smirked and tore harder, shredding more of the robe, even through the pain that Dave was inflicting on him.

Finally he had the robe torn loose and it fluttered in an angry undulating arc to the floor. Shiny red against a dull grey. How fitting.

Dave pulled free from Karkat. He tilted his forehead forward and focused red eyes right on Karkat's yellow ones. “I. Told. You. About. The. Cape. Motherfucker.”

He could feel his heart pounding and his bonebulge twitching. Dave was going to dominate. Of course, he would resist because that was just how this worked and besides, Dave had broken some of the rules already, but... he couldn't resist that look.

This was a blackrom and he was a part of it and it was going to be amazing. Finally. Fucking finally.

Dave punched him in the face. One cheek burned from the hit, the other burned from slapping against the metal flooring. He twisted his head and growled up at Dave. “You're doing it wrong! Fuckass, you'd be a worthless blackrom for Terezi.”

“I'd be better for her in both quadrants than you could in any!”

Karkat spat up at Dave, hitting him square on the left cheek. “Dream on! Oh wait, even in your dreams you couldn't have her!”

Dave ground down against Karkat, his hips pressing against the troll's. “I have her every night in my dreams. You're the one who doesn't even sleep. You look like death. Not even death warmed over. Just death. Might as well be. Even the dream bubble dead dudes look better than you. You think she'd want you?”

That tone, that anger, that defiance of all troll customs in light of his own code of seduction! Karkat couldn't swoon, but if he could have perhaps he would have. Or perhaps he'd just hurl more insults.

Either way, he didn't get a chance.

Dave's mouth pressed to his and this time it was Dave's teeth that dug into his lips, tearing them up and pressing hard against them.

He didn't know how this could get any better. Then he realized he could taste his own blood and Dave's in the kiss. His bonebulge twisted and twitched in his jeans and he groaned low into Dave's mouth. His tongue pressed out and sought entrance to Dave's. He gained entrance, but only after a few moments of Dave threatening to close his mouth completely. Finally his tongue slid into Strider's mouth and Dave's own tongue snaked into Karkat's mouth.

He could feel Dave's breath, hot and thick, and moving into his own body with each moment that ticked on. The kiss was warm and he shut his eyes and melted into the anger, into the lust, and into the hate.

So this was what it was like.

How had he missed out on this for so long? If a blackrom with Dave was wrong, he didn't want to be right.

That tongue retreated back into Dave's mouth and then those rotten teeth closed right down on Karkat.

The nerve!

The arousal.

More pain filtered through his throbbing senses and Karkat growled, then retreated back into his own mouth. He would have Dave. He would--

“Hehehe what are you two doing? Hehehe. Karkles and Dave? That's really funny! Even Nepeta wouldn't put that on her shipping wall, if she were here. But it's kind of cute! Now which one of you gets me red, boys?”

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

Dave smirked down at Karkat, then back to Terezi. “Babe, that would be me.”

“No fuck you! I saw her first!” Karkat shoved Dave off of him and managed to get to his feet, despite the bonebulge he was sporting uncomfortably under his jeans.

“You would have too, if it weren't for that meddling Terezi. Should thank her. If you're having a hard time standing now, imagine how hard it would be for you to walk after you got the Strider Treatment.”

“Oh shut up!” He would have said more, but Terezi's cackling was too much for him.

“Hehehe Rose and Kanaya tell me you were trying to make a shipping chart.”

“It's not a shipping chart! Gog! Am I really the only one who gets the importance of having a schedule for these things! Do you want there to be a tragedy because we both want you in the same way on the same day? Hmm? Do you want that?”

“Hehehe. Yes.”

Dave snorted. “You heard her.”

“You're both hopeless! That's it, you deserve each other! You have my fucking blessing. Is that what you wanted? Is that what you were going for when you seduced me, Strider? You wanted me to give you the blessing to have her however you want?”

“Karkles!”

“What?”

“Gog, you're the one that makes this so difficult! Who cares about shipping and schedules and all of that? There are hardly any trolls left! What does it even matter if we stick to them exactly anymore?” She tapped her foot lightly and leaned on her cane, seeming to look at him, even without sight.

“Dude, she's got a point. So you should probably just leave her and me and--”

Karkat had Dave pinned to the table that held Rose's tome. “Like fuck I will! Think again! If I can't have her, you can't have her! And if you have her, so will I! Unless she actually doesn't want that, but I know Terezi and she would. So just shut up and stop thinking you know her so well!”

A cane rapped against the table on one side of him and her claws dug into the wood on the other. Her breath tickled his pointed ears. “Karkles. You've been really bad, assuming things for me. I think I'm going to have to punish you. And Dave too. Hehehe.” Her long tongue sneaked out and played at the shell of his ear, then slipped down and lapped where Dave had bitten.

Karkat moved to back off from Dave to face her. But he was pinned, caught in the middle and in between an angry and turned on Dave and a sadistic and aroused Terezi. This was so taboo. You couldn't have two blackroms at the same time without being an unfaithful little slut!

He'd never been more excited in all of his life.

Four hands wrapped around him and Karkat shut his eyes and felt their bodies against his own. He didn't stand a chance of being the one on top, but he couldn't find himself caring in the moment. He would have his time. Perhaps when they cycled into red, or maybe later when he got the jump on them.

For the moment? Karkat was pleased just right where he was.

“I'm going to fucking kill you both when this is over.”

“Hehehe. Sure you will. Sure you will, Karkles. What do you say, Dave? Want to help me teach him a lesson?”

“Anything you say, Babe. Especially if we can keep him quiet though. He's giving me a headache.”

“I'm sure we can find something to keep his mouth busy.”

Oh Gog.

**Author's Note:**

> THEIR HANDS WERE TOUCHING! THEY ARE TOTAL IN HATE! HATE LOVE. THE BEST KIND! DON'T EVEN SAY YOU DIDN'T THINK OF IT. I JUST WROTE WHAT WERE ALL WERE THINKING.  
> I hope you enjoyed!


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